Friday, April 21, 2017

Alone with someone

Since i was little i always hated to be alone, there is nothing wrong with it, i just hate it feels like if you are alone nobody cares, they don't notice if you are sad, happy, angry, needing a hug or simply a talk.

Growing up i was always scared of loneliness and even when i had so many friend i never felt anything other than that, i was always alone. And it was so sad the fact of having so many people around me, and none of them could make me feel good about anything, never good enough, pretty smart or even funny. Got married looking for the company and divorced because i couldn't find it. Met strangers online and in real life that make me feel not so alone anymore for a little while, but then it was just worst than at the beginning, never good at being by myself i figured that because was the worst thing for me,
it also was what i was destined to be.

Then one day there is this person that comes to my life, feeling the same way i was and i can understand how it is, and i  don't feel lonely anymore treasuring this person that saved me from my loneliness is the easier thing to do in the whole world. Could be why i fell in love with him. Then more people came around and i went to the point where i have what i always dreamed of. I can be alone with someone, whenever i need to be alone knowing that i have people that care about me, my life, that don't mind all the things that are wrong, and appreciate the ones that are good. I don't have to be scared anymore because i have them. And even now when i need to be alone i learned i like better being alone with someone. Sitting in the edge of my bed, or a bench in the park next to someone i love and cares for me, i don't have to say nothing they still will know if i need that hug, and then i can be alone, but never really alone.

At least until i find the way to make them go away, so far feels like they will stay.

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